The Feeling of Pin Needles In My Heart.

I sit here and just get lost in memories of him and I. Waking up seeing his beautiful brown eyes gazing into mine. Our many laughs where my sides ended up hurting. Leaving his house feeling so secure knowing this was it for it me.

Do we remain friends? I mean how do you just let someone who makes you feel like you are floating on air go away? How do I remain friends with someone who stole a piece of my heart that I don’t think I will ever get back?

With all of these question running around in my head, I’m still trying to find the silver lining in the saying ” it’s better to have loved than to not have loved at all”. The way I am feeling I’d rather have not fallen for him because I’m having the hardest time getting back up again.

How Do I Let Go?

How do I let go of all these happy memories him and I shared? How do I face myself to do the things I use to love that we grew to do together, such as watching the office or sharing a Ruben sandwich? It seems as though the simplest things are the hardest things to do.

They weren’t kidding when they say getting over someone is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you are one who decides to end it off. I have never had to let someone go when I really don’t want to but deep down I know it is whats best for me.

It would be so easy if he was some asshole who didn’t give two craps about me, but he has showed me what unconditional love looks like. Though some of you are thinking why just stay with him…that’s where I need to focus on the facts. If I force someone to change at my expense, I know that down the road things will fall apart. That is because I know that person can’t be their true self. It sucks when he is what I want but don’t need. All I am thinking of is “if he didn’t smoke pot”, “if we met on different terms”…..maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?! How do people battle this unending sharp pain in the chest, that feels like you have 100lb rocks just sitting where your heart was? How do people get over the one they love? How do people love again? How do people sleep during rough nights like these where all you do is see his face, feel his touch, smell his good scent, hear his laugh. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!