No One Tells You It Is Going To Be Easy.

I miss him terribly….how do I stop? My story begins with a minor car accident I was in. I am okay just a cracked bumper. What led to the accident was however not so minor. I have been dealing with depression for about some time now. I shouldn’t say dealing with more like running from my depression for about some time now. I was running from it until it literally crashed me into a street sign on the side of the road. That day or what I can recall from it was I knew I was tired of feeling worthless. From being recently born again in Christ I knew I wanted to be in heaven with Jesus and God. The only way I knew how to do that was to die.

So I ran my car off the side of the road into a one-way street sign. Now, most of you are wondering “WHAT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?!“…..well ladies and gentlemen that is what you call a manic episode. Yep, that is correct my first episode was when I was driving oh and did I forget to mention I was high off weed. I never saw myself as someone to love weed….not until 6 months ago when I thought I have found the escape to all of my problems, little did I know it was causing a lot more problems than I like to admit. My ex-boyfriend and I would love to smoke weed. All-day, every day. I became more addicted I would say than he was. Furthermore, I was on Adderall for my ADHD during this time. Now back to the story not being in a right nonstable mindset I called 911. From there the cops took me to the hospital and the hospital admitted me to a mental hospital. During the course of the crash, calling everyone plus 911 to tell them I was going to die and begin moved from police car to hospital to hospital, I started hallucinating I was in heaven and nothing was really happening to me.

After this traumatic event, I have been doing a lot better. I am currently 2 1/2 months free of any drug use, been going to professionals for the right help to handle my depression. After my release date from the mental hospital, I decided this was the time for me to be alone. I couldn’t be in a relationship until I become stable and confident within myself. I know I cannot head back down this road of escaping my problems anymore. This is the time to buckle down and get the help I need to live a better for-filled life. Everything seems to be going good, except for dealing with the break-up with my boyfriend. I miss him every day. I could just simply be walking down an aisle of a grocery store when BAM! A memory of us going to our favorite grocery store pops in my head. I know I made the right call to be alone but let me tell you no one says for an extrovert being alone could be so lonely.

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