This is going to be a short blog. I have been feeling so depressed with this breakup.
I’m writing because it’s funny how a simple scent of soap can hurt me so much. It takes me back to when we were shower together and or hurrying to find it because it was his favorite scent I would wear. This missing him and wishing he was here hurts so bad.
What do you do when you feel you can’t amount to anything? When everyone around you has to consistently help you because you do everything wrong. You are scared to load the belt at the grocery store because someone is going to ask ”what are you doing” ”do you know how to load the belt?” ”here let me show you?” When you are jealous of your little sister because of her immense amount of beauty and smarts.
You feel so small when you are around her because you know and understand she is someone who is going to tackle the world. You want to ask her ”how? How do I become you?” ”How do I become as skinny as you?” ”as smart as you?” ”as strong-willed and grounded as you?”
Instead, you sit in your room thinking of ways to just keep moving and wishing life wasn’t so hard. Instead, you sit and cry and feel sorry for yourself because how can I make everyone proud when you have such a huge role model in your life who is impossible to live up to. What do you do with this hurt?
What do you do when you just want to give up? I ask this because currently, I have found myself just not trying anymore. I started to feel worthless as though I have nothing to offer this world.
I try and try again telling myself…today is going to mean something. Then here comes me over-analyzing everything. Just staying in my corner where I feel safe. I mean who can judge you when they can’t hear or see you?
When I first started this journey of finding who I was, I remember being so excited so free. I mean I could be who I wanted to be!
It wasn’t until this last 2 weeks I’ve been feeling defeated, worthless, and quite honestly just someone who takes up space. I fear myself because I feel as though I am slipping back into my old ways. I’m tired of living life like this! I see myself going backward it’s only time to move forward. Finding that strength to do so is the chanllenge.
Magical World Of K 